SATELLITE/DIGITAL TV PRESENTER

Enough of the heavy stuff. Back to the real world. Go on, turn on the telly. Let’s see what we’ve got to entertain us right now.
Oh dear, is that it? Bit boring.
Who the hell’s presenting that programme? Never seen her before. Come to think of it, not seen hardly anyone on these satellite or digital channels. Where have they come from? Are they training to be real television personalities or have they been on terrestrial television and faded away?
Here’s a possibility. The audiences for most of these channels can be counted on the fingers of a damaged hand. The presenters may well be brilliant but they are able to walk down Oxford Street without getting a second glance. A bit like a regional television personality taking a holiday in another region. Unknown. Not unloved, not incapable but simply not a presence registering in the minds of the ‘Foreign’ region.
So, become a satellite or digital television presenter and guarantee your anonymity when the worst comes to the worst. Not only will you be safe from prying eyes wondering whether you’re wealthy enough to attack but you will have the advantage of having spent your entire adult life inside a television studio and therefore even your closest neighbours will not recognise you. A simple trick to enhance this ‘close contact ignorance’ will be to always use a lot of make-up when you are on television. Most people do. And follow the example of the others and use a lot of hair dye. Then, when things get hairy as the mobs start searching for people to rob, let the hair go natural and wash the face with soap and water. You’ll be invisible. Also, since you’re not going to be earning a fortune in digital or satellite, you’ll be living in a poor area where the population will be moving out to rob the mansions and farms of the wealthy.